The word different, according to the dictionary, means adj. Not alike in character or quality.
I'm different. I am Asian. I am a sister, a cousin, a friend, a Christian, and a foster youth. I am complicated.
The reason I say that is because no one understands me and the way I act. Most people always give up on me and the sad part is, I'm use to it.
Coming from the foster care system, it always hard to trust, to let people in, and to accept the fact not everyone is worth staying a part of your life. I am a junior this fall at luther college and I still haven't found permanency nor friends that I've found who I can trust out rely on. It's not easy living this life. Always on guard and not knowing who to trust, who to let in and who to leave out. I have tried multiple times to let people in. I've shared my ups and downs, my dreams, my goals, my stories, but I've never been able to stick.
At school, during the summer vacation, and during holiday break I have never been invited to hang out with friends. I feel like I'm just a heavy luggage that people have to deal with because they feel sorry for me. I hate that. I have been forgotten on several occasion, it hurts. I try so hard to fit in, invite people together, everything, but nothing works. All I want is to have friends that I can share my life with, be a part of my wedding, go to bars, creating happy memories, and grow old together sharing gossip. I am a complicated person who has a story and lots going on, but just want the most simplest thing in life.
A question I ask myself everyday, is this the life I want to live? If you were to ask me that question a couple months ago, I would have said no. I was about to give up on everything, my hopes and my dreams. Gone.
This internship has changed my life. The foster youths that I have been able to help educate, helped me realize that I can help change what they think about themselves and how to become happy and successful. I need to practice what I preach. It helped me realize that in order to be happy with myself, I need to allow myself to heal and to lower my expectation. I have met some people I want to have in my life for a long while and I'm going to try my hardest to make those relationships work. I'm not going to give up on me, my dreams, or people. This internship has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and I hope that the all-stars realize that giving up isn't the answer to anything.
Fighting and educating other foster youths makes a difference in all things. What do you guys think about more workshops on self awareness? To help foster youth accept who they are and see where time takes them.