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So as I sit in my little brothers house and listen to music I think, think, and think some more. And lately all I think of is what's next? I am so un-sure of what lies ahead that I can barely even type my next thought out onto this blog without re-thinking it. Back home in Ohio, I have dis-appointed family members because I didn't leave for school this year. (Fafsa came too late) While trying the whole permenancy thing I've come to realize that at this point the only thing permanent I have is ME.

Yeah there are people who give advice, people who have good intentions,(some fall through, most don't) and some who wish me the best and love me as well. But at the end of the day even the people who love me haven't a clue how to really be a help to me because I'm not sure what I want to do, or where I want to start doing "somthing" and "anything" at.

The same things I was faced with before being an intern this summer for FosterClub still exist. I know about 100 more people, but my life is in many ways still the same. So in an effort to go to school, find a job, and get an know, do something, I've managed to be in between 5 different homes in the process. This angers me because I expect better. Things just seem un-stable at ALL times. For instance: I go visit my aunt in GA, the same one who told me I was just a sperm donation during my internship.

She's starting a company..says that since I've done work with kids, and young adults before that she could use my help in that area of her business. So i dwelled on it for a minute, then decided I had to be about business and make a living somehow...i thought I was swallowing my pride. The business never launched due to a few issues my aunts boss had. SO about 3 days before then I was told by my aunt I had to make up my mind where I wanted to go and live, whether it be Ohio, Oregon,or staying in GA, working and getting an apartment. Nowhere to go in Oregon if i wanted to go right now. Ohio is the last place my heart desires to be...and my step grandmother doesn't "want" me back there in her home anyhow. So I chose to stay in GA. I had applied to a job that a good friend had the power to hire me at got the job. The next step was apartment, I had juss played basketball with the real-estate owner a day before.

My aunt overlooks the decision I made and books a flight for me anyhow to Ohio. SHe reasons " I don't have the financial stability I need right now to take care of another person, so until Im back on my feet your going to have to do something." and "Your life doesn't depend on my decisions." But didn't they indirectly? and in this case directly? Not long term maybe but for right now? So my aunt in N.C. intercepts the situayion to say I can come there for a while until GA is set in stone...but that may never happen.

So I spoke to Tery back in Oregon about that being where I wanted to be..I love ORegon. Well not really to my suprise, she denies. She doesn't want me to come there for two term while I go to PCC then move forward, that plan won't do it. So as I'm sitting in N.C. all options became a no go in the same week....what's next. MY time here is ticking as well, and all I can do id pray that God does something miraculous for my situation. It's not like Im not willing to work ,go to school, or have my own place.

But if I go to a CC that means having to have support that will enable me to use my homebase as my stability until I can move onto campus. I dont have may have to be ME. I guess my best bet is to move wherever I want to go to school and get an apartment, which means having the apartment set up before I arrive in that state. (down payment, rent, etc.) Sign a monthly lease if possible, then start school. PCC has gotten me in the computer so in that case this would be Oregon.

Go to school, have a job...and move to a four year when I get the opp. to my young Foster children.young adults....have a plan for when you graduate. Because depending on how much support you have, you have quite the burden of figuring things out first-hand and by self. Always ask "THEN WHAT?" because it may give realistic view of each plan. But when each plan has a halting point and you've thought everthing out, pro's and cons or whatever...JUST Do IT. They tell tell me the rest will happen... we'll see.

Sep 23, 2010 By jeremie10