Ever since I can remember, I have had this inclination towards excessive introspection. Whenever I go to a new place, I find a spot. This spot becomes my own and it is a spot where I am 100 percent guaranteed to be alone. For the most part, I would utilize these spaces very late at night. By doing this, it added more assurance that I would be alone.

In fact, at one of my foster home placements I used to go sit in this one huge cement cylinder that was at the top of a pile of other cement cylinders in an old construction yard. Quite frankly, I cannot tell you how I came across this place, but I have always had a ping for wandering. Listening to music and wandering around the woods was my hobby as a child. Dixie, my childhood dog, was the only companion I would ever consider taking along.

Introspection and this time alone helped me to cope. I think it gave me time away to settle in my head, explore new avenues that lacked any kind of trauma with others, and made me fiercely independent. It is considerably humorous to me, when I get the feeling when I need to run to be alone and explore something new. I need to re-awaken my senses by jolting them.

Last night, I walked to the beach and went on the swings. At times, it felt like I was in a movie when I was looking around. People had fires burning all around, the waves were off in the distance slightly covered by the fog rolling in, and my music served as the built in mood. In this time and in the moment that I had manufactured for myself, I was able to let myself feel.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have made it to where I am know if I didn't have this odd habit of mine.

My wandering has lead to many adventures that I hold dear to my heart. Wandering has been the best and most easily accessible coping mechanism for me.