It has been quite some time since I've last blogged. I thought it would be refreshing to update the people who actually read my blog. Thanks for reading! Also, please excuse my tendency to become M.I.A….. I guess it's a foster kid thing :)

I do still write often I just rarely ever have the chance to type it up. (I prefer the old school sentimental value of writing in journals.)

Well here I am.. Having an awfully hard time believing we're already in Mid January. Time definitely flies as you age. Since I have returned "home" from this past All-Star summer I have just been soaking life in as each day comes. Before the All-Star summer began for me I had to pack up everything I owned and placed it in storage for the summer. When I was storing everything I had no idea where I would go when I came back but I decided to play it by ear. Well the summer flew by and before I knew it, it was ending. As it ended I was given the opportunity to move 400 miles away from "home." Home as in the Bay Area the only place I will ever know as home. The place I have been born and raised. I didn't do much thinking to be honest. I asked people whose opinions I valued and they all told me to go for it. I pondered the benefits and costs but I just went with it and crossed my fingers knowing that everything would work out in it's time. I knew that because I didn't have a plan for when I returned back to the Bay I wouldn't be in the best place. The main reason I moved was that I didn't have many options for housing otherwise. So with a promising gut feeling I said yes to the move and as the summer came to an end I began making plans. I had no idea what to expect the day I left Seaside. I couldn't sleep the night before so I finished my packing and finished my letters to each All-Star. As the morning came I made one last jog through the downtown enjoying the fog and empty streets. I literally felt as if the chapter was ending and I was preparing for the next.

The minute I touched down in San Francisco I knew that everything in my life would be completely different. I never have been more eager to arrive back home because I never have really ever left for that long. I was so excited to be back and then realized it would only be for the next 72 hours. Bittersweet. I spent the next (few) hours catching up with my closest friends and family and making sure everything I needed fit in my car for my drive down to Los Angeles. Not everything would fit in my car so I took what I needed from storage for the first few months until I could afford to make a trip back. I said my good-byes and I actually felt tears fall as I drove away. Not looking back I drove the dreadful 5 hour drive alone. After 400+ miles, a minor car accident, a few gas station stops and countless road signs I had finally arrived. The weather was exactly what I had expected, wonderful. For the first time in my life I was sweating just standing. I got settled in and my adventure began…. That was the end of August.

September came and I turned 22. It was the first time in a long time that I didn’t celebrate my birthday with my closest family and friends. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I received the most thoughtful and loving gifts from my best friends. I think the fact that they were able to still surprise me on my birthday without being physically present made me realize how loved I truly am. As September ended I began getting a bit homesick. Going a summer without my support system was hard. I didn’t realize how this move was going to change my relationships. I think everyone (including myself) figured after the summer I’d be back and things would be back to normal. I had to learn to adjust to the sudden long-distance. October came along and it was very much needed. Every weekend in October was filled with a new visit from someone back home. I got to see some family and it was exactly what I needed to be refueled. November crept up on me and I found myself struggling to realize I’d be alone for the Holidays. Again, something I didn’t expect. I made sure to consume myself in work to keep my mind off being alone. I really appreciated technology for allowing me to still see my family.

Then December came, oh sweet December. December has always been the hardest month of the year for me. I thought maybe this year I’d get a small break but this year was no different. I honestly think that some of the situations I had to deal with this year in December really tore me up. Having the resilient spirit I have though, I was able to bounce back. I made it through and I even was able to take a 5 day trip home before the Holidays. Spending each holiday completely alone after work made me realize how old I am getting. I definitely can get by in my singlehood now but I do eventually one day want a family. I was peaceful making it through solo but I do hope that my future years don’t have to be spent alone.

January has now come and it is almost over. I’ve consumed myself so much in work and getting my financial situation taken care of that I haven’t had much of a chance to do much else. What I do know is that the next few weeks I will have more free time in my schedule to be able to make some decisions. I tried getting involved a few times as far as advocacy work but with my current schedule I can’t fully commit yet. I’m not one to partially commit so come end of February I’ll have it figured out.

Being away for 6 months now has changed so much of my soul. I have been extremely stretched and changed forevermore. I cherish my life and each opportunity I am given. I embrace each situation without hesitation now. I am young lady with an old soul. I am beginning to really see who I am and what I want out of life. I now am finally settled in here but it is a temporary settled in. It’s enough to be comfortable but all the while still knowing that when my lease is up I will be on to the next adventure. (I almost feel like I’m in foster care again with the whole moving and getting adjusted.) I also now know that the place I will always call home will be the Bay Area.

I feel as if I did need this break away from my comfort zone to help me understand who I am. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in helping others that we forget to take care of ourselves. In order to not burn ourselves out we must know our limits. I saw my limits and I took a small break to save my sanity. I have been able to work on some personal issues and now my heart is ready to start giving again…

Until next time,
Paule