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She feels less pretty
less worthy
sad and stuck.
like her family,
critical and harsh
negative and pessimistic
all those things a man used to call her
But deep inside the stronger part of herself resists and knows that she is not and she fights to tell herself "No, your not."

Day by day - over and over again - it seems like i always have it and i always will have it -- i could be a better person to myself without it-- but i haven't fully thrown the beast on its back- instead its been chilling on mine and i am sick of it -- don't i always get sick of it. The answer is i do. but i somehow manage to contain it and then release it and everything keeps on moving - and it moves with me - Only until i discover myself will it end , only then until i focus on something else will it end -- unless i keep on releasing it will be at bay and maybe one day it will end - life is not to be lived like this nor is it meant to be lived suffocated by insecurities that stem from everything but in the end amount to nothing but self- mutilation coupled with a waste of time.

Feb 4, 2009 By Julia