I was in the foster system for most of my younger life, a long nine years. Being in the system I used to be my worst enemy, I grew up being told that I wouldn't become anything, just like my mother. I was a child with the biggest, wildest dreams.
The longest dream that I had, was owning my own successful restaurant, I had everything planned out; I wanted a retro, hipster place that everyone went to and felt happy. My restaurant would have baked goods, and coffee mugs from all over the world.
My dreams were the only things that kept me going, when I was alone in the system.
I would dream big, so that I wouldn't have to deal with my reality in my home. But every time that I would be happy, someone would bring up that I would never reach my dreams. Each time someone brought up their doubts about me, it would put a tiny dent in my dreams until I would eventually give up.
I think that I gave up so much because on top of people doubting me, I was also really ashamed to be in the foster system, I thought that I was less than everyone else because that is how i was treated. For as long as I can remember I've had to be own cheerleader, and find the positive in life so that I can live. I battled suicide all through middle, and the beginning of high school. My goal in life is to be kind, forgiving, and loving to the world, because in my younger days ,the system, and the people that I was surrounded by made me dark. I let all of the comments, doubts, and being ashamed killed my dreams, and hope.
During sophomore year I walked around like a zombie, always drunk trying to erase my pain, until I met my Tracey and Julie. Just writing their names makes me smile :) they are my guardian angels in this dark world. I met my Tracey and Julie at a camp meeting, and I was scared of them because they were so kind, and loving to me and they didn't even know me. The meeting of these two women changed my life forever.
I became very attached to my Julie and Tracey pretty fast, their love was infectious, and I love every bit of it. They saved my life. The transformation didn't happen overnight, they still have to teach me to stay positive and know that I am truly blessed. One thing Tracey always tells me that “life is like a deck of cards, you have to deal the cards that you were dealt”. I'm not perfect today, and people still try to keep me down, but I know now that I am not alone in life. I have many people who are about me, and love me.
So in my opinion when try to keep you down because you were in the foster system, drop them and find positive people to be around. It really helps to have a positive group with you through life, and if its hard for YOU to find your permancey pact ( https://www.fosterclub.com/files/PermPact.pdf ) then you can get in contact with me, because “Life is hard, but better together”.