blueeyedangel's picture

Hi guys. So I haven't been on here in a while but I need some serious advice. So I recently have gotten back in contact with my biological sister (her choice to not talk to me) and well the first email she sends me is talking about how she doesn't approve of me and the lifestyle I chose. She grew up with her father's family and is associated with the penocoastal religion (her adopted parents religion) and she chose not to talk to me for five years. My family and I think that they have brainwashed her. But back to my point....I think that I have grown up fairly well in the past 5 years without being able to talk to her about things, I graduated high school with an advanced diploma, have two amazing best friends, an amazing niece from my foster sister, an amazing and wonderful best friend/boyfriend and I go to Eastern Mennonite University (academic reasoning) plus I have gotten my license recently. I have my major set as psychology because I want to become a therapist for foster children. All in all I think I have a really good head on my shoulders. What my sister had said and meant was that she doesn't approve of the fact that I had lived and approve of gay/lesbian/bisexual lifestyles...I had a gay roommate at the time and that I had lived with my boyfriend for a certain amount of time and that I don't dress appropriately. I dress comfortably I think. I don't wear my clothes like most girls nowadays do with leggings as pants and extremely lowcut shirts with boobs hanging out...not judging those of you that do but still. I dress like I respect myself because I do. I have no clue what to do and what to say to somehow fix things between us.I want to fix our relationship but I absolutely cannot stand judgmental people...especially when they seem to overlook the fact that I have become successful with my life so far. Please help. I'm not sure if i made any sense but i need serious advice on what to do

Being Judged

Claire's picture

It is hard when others whom we feel mean a lot to us may judge us harshly. You seem to be a lovely mature young woman who is leading a thoughtful life. And, good for you for studying in college in such an interesting major!

Sometimes what others think of us can end up challenging us to really be strong. Maybe we can learn some more as we can about not taking what others think of us to heart. When anyone may disagree with us then shun us, that can really hurt. Remember that is for whatever reasons, your sister's own insecurities and her inability to accept viewpoints different from her own. Sometimes (especially) young people just need to learn about tolerance to differences and may need to do some growing up. It does sound as if your sister may be acting, on automatic - so to speak. In the meantime, you have an ongoing choice whether or not to be in contact with her if and when she is being judgmental to the point of it hurting you. You can decide what your boundaries are and the level of contact you maintain with anyone, and be flexible or not.

Best Wishes to You,
Claire in NM