Siblings

Chafinclan's picture

If the siblings stayed together then I would expect that they would depend on each other for that continually feeling of having someone that cares.

Relationship

julielrobinson's picture

Working in the child welfare system for 16 years I have seen how trends change. We are much more aware of the importance of keeping siblings together. It saddens me when siblings have to be separated. I would hope that all siblings would be able to have at the very least a relationship if they remain separated. Remember a relationship with your sibling is the longest relationship in life.

The importance of keeping siblings together

Croman981's picture

I think that at times older siblings try to parent their younger sibling because that's all they have. In this case the older child becomes more responsible and more mature when he/she takes on the parenthood tasks. In my personal opinion this can set them up to a better future because they learn how to take on responsibility.

Sibling Relationships

Miriammyers's picture

I have realized how beneficial these relationship are with my current foster child, whom I am in the process of adopting. He has 2 brothers and they were split up because no one would take 3. The younger 2 are together and I have the oldest of the 3. They are old enough to know what is going on and remember their biological family. I am fortunate in that the other foster family also wants to keep these relationships so we make sure these boys stay in touch. As for my son, he is much more at ease now that he knows he will get to see his brothers on a regular basis. He has also met their foster parents and knows they are in a loving, safe home, and happy.

keep children together

linneacnord's picture

More then ever I now know the importance of keeping children together. I didn't realize that children at very young ages notice the lack of their sibling being present. I am going to make sure to check if a child coming into my care has a sibling and if they do advocate for the siblings to be together in a placement.

Siblings

andrewlr76's picture

I believe it is very important for siblings to stay together and continue their bond in foster care and in permanency.

Sibling Placement

1moswalt's picture

Based on our experience with foster care, I see that it is more beneficial for children to be placed together. Under certain circumstances, it could be better if they were not. Those seem to be rare and with extreme circumstances.

Siblings - Keeping them together

1voswalt's picture

Our second placement came, but we didn't have the space for his siblings. About 6 months later, we were able to bring one of his brothers to our home. After 2 years and 8 months, we find ourselves still unable to bring their third brother to our home. This is the most upsetting thing for us because the separation is causing us to run into some hurdles. It saddens me to think that a sibling group could be separated simply because we were unable to take all 3 brothers. Had we been able to do so, their permanency being together or apart would not be in question.

We also have another child who has several siblings and we are currently unable to place him with them. He talks about them all the time. His love for them is extremely evident. I am hoping that we are able to at least bring a couple to stay with him once final decisions are made on the above case.

Siblings - Keeping them together

1voswalt's picture

Our second placement came, but we didn't have the space for his siblings. About 6 months later, we were able to bring one of his brothers to our home. After 2 years and 8 months, we find ourselves still unable to bring their third brother to our home. This is the most upsetting thing for us because the separation is causing us to run into some hurdles. It saddens me to think that a sibling group could be separated simply because we were unable to take all 3 brothers. Had we been able to do so, their permanency being together or apart would not be in question.

We also have another child who has several siblings and we are currently unable to place him with them. He talks about them all the time. His love for them is extremely evident. I am hoping that we are able to at least bring a couple to stay with him once final decisions are made on the above case.

I hope, for my foster

gobucks33's picture

I hope, for my foster daughters, who are biological sisters, that they will retain that bond throughout their life. They are only 16 month apart in age, and, we hope to adopt them so they can grow up together and retain that bond. As for their other siblings in care, who are with good friends of ours, I hope they grow up all sharing that family bond. They see each other pretty regularly, but at their young age, we are not sure if they really understand the family dynamic. It is fun to watch them together and we pray that they will all grow up with that family bond, but especially for our foster daughters, that we would be able to keep them together in our home.

I hope, for my foster

gobucks33's picture

I hope, for my foster daughters, who are biological sisters, that they will retain that bond throughout their life. They are only 16 month apart in age, and, we hope to adopt them so they can grow up together and retain that bond. As for their other siblings in care, who are with good friends of ours, I hope they grow up all sharing that family bond. They see each other pretty regularly, but at their young age, we are not sure if they really understand the family dynamic. It is fun to watch them together and we pray that they will all grow up with that family bond, but especially for our foster daughters, that we would be able to keep them together in our home.

Hopefully Siblings Forever

grncarex2's picture

The two children we have in our home, brother and sister, are ages 8 and 4. The goal has always been to keep them together. In ten years, my hope is that they will still be together. There is no way to imagine one without the other. We encourage that bond, and in our home it is a regular sibling relationship of loving, fussing, learning, helping and caring. It is a growing relationship that should never be pulled apart. It would have been devastating to separate them now, and since they have grown even closer through this trauma, it would be even more devastating to separate them later. Encouraging each other they have the ability to come out of this strong and finding an awesome support system in each other. Who better understands you then the one who went through it with you.

Sibling Pairs - keep them together

marknoah's picture

We just completed the best child placement we have had in the almost 3 years we have been doing foster care. This placement wouldn't have been as successful if we would have split up the sibling pair. They shared happiness and a bond that is special to their family. We hope this continues until they are older.

Sibling Pairs - keep them together

marknoah's picture

We just completed the best child placement we have had in the almost 3 years we have been doing foster care. This placement wouldn't have been as successful if we would have split up the sibling pair. They shared happiness and a bond that is special to their family. We hope this continues until they are older.

Sibling Bond

gretchennoah's picture

I recently upped our capacity to keep a sibling pair together and it was the best decision we made. The older sister (14) told me if they would have separated she from her younger sister (2-1/2) who she had raised from birth... that she would have run away for sure. The joy they showed being kept together helped my older foster daughter do very well in foster care (our home was a 2nd placement for her) and the younger foster sibling from sadness and loss. The little one thrived in our home and grew two sizes in 3 months. The positive foster placement for us and for them... was largely due to us keeping them together. In 10 years... I hope our older foster daughter will still have our little one under her wing. Last week they went to their biological parent's home so I may never know.

I truly understand the

kisses28318's picture

I truly understand the importance of keeping siblings together through the fostering journey because no one will truly understand what you are going through and what you have been through like a sibling who has been through the same thing. They need someone that they can cling to through a very trying and confusing time.

Horrible to have siblings to be separated

albertjeffrey27's picture

My own adoptive son was separated from his siblings. Years later, my son continues to ask about his brother but now knowing the full case of my son and his bio family, he was poorly represented by foster parents which cause the sibling brothers to be adopted by different families. One of the thousands of stories in our country but the buck needs to stop with the foster families. We need to stand and advocate to the courts when family services or case managers are acting in the wrong interest of the child. Likewise, case workers need to pay closer attention to those few foster families who really don't care for foster kids and for their best interest.

Sibling

mhowardjr35's picture

I hope that the child would have a very good and trusting bond with their sibling. Especially to depend on each other to help cope through the traumas of foster care.

Relationships

albaughg's picture

I would hope that our family would garner a lasting relationship that would have the foster youth and the children within our family feel part of a whole family and that everyone would keep in touch and act as though everyone was from the same heritage.

Past foster child sibling bond

bethanc12's picture

It is difficult for siblings to remain together in the foster care system. One sibling set we fostered ended up being separated because the boy went to live with his biological dad and his sister went to live with an aunt (she was not related to the boys dad). Last we heard they saw each other occasionally when they would see their mom. It is hard to think of them growing up apart from each other because they were so bonded in our home.

Sibling

TheJLedQ35's picture

I have fostered twins before and cant imagine them being separated. At first (age 14 mths) they fought with each because they were in survival mode. But over the next few months they began to play with each other and you could tell their bond was growing. I say all this because they need each and thrive now when they are with one another. A sibling attachment can help aid in healing what they both have lost.

Siblings

Desiree9157's picture

I am a strong believer of keeping siblings together, I believe that this enables them to grow and build a stronger bond as well as become a support system for each other. I truly feel that by separating siblings in foster care causes more trauma and can cause the child to become more afraid, angry, frustrated, and depressed. That's something these children need less of in their lives. I would hope to see them grow into amazing adults and give them the courage to go out and face the world together.

sibling relationship

ShawnLeffel's picture

I think that if we try to keep the children together they will keep a stronger bond than if we separate them it would cause them a lot more trauma. i think that these children will grow up to help each other out as they get older. They will be there when the other is in need.

I would hope the they

julialeffel's picture

I would hope the they children would have a strong, supportive bond. That they would remain close and be there for one another for the ups and downs of life.

Siblings

deybarry01's picture

I think Siblings should be kept together. That is the only form of normalcy they have. if they are together its on less thing they have to worry about. They feel more secure when they are together.

siblings

mtcrxlady's picture

I am a grandmother who has raised two sisters both my grandchildren for the last 15 years as their permanent guardian. The state was not involved in their placement, it was done thru private attorney. now we are fostering under kinship their two half siblings also girls who were placed with us thru the state agency. We hope if our daughter cannot get it together that the agency will allow us to adopt them as we would like them all to stay together with us and in the family

Sibling Relationships

rocksheen219's picture

I found this study to be very interesting and informative. It truly seems as if each scenario is completely different with each circumstance having its own complications. I know how important and meaningful my husband and I's relationships are with our own siblings, so I can only imagine how much more important it would be for children in the foster care setting.

I think yes keep Siblings

Dorothy's picture

I think yes keep Siblings together but only if it works. If the kids have more issues together then yes split them so they can grow learn and heal.

sibling relationships

fullypacled01's picture

keep them together, no matter what

Sibling Relationship

mbensonb's picture

We currently have a sibling set of 2 little boys under the age of 2. We will be adopting them officially in the next month or so but it worries me because their birth mother intends to have more children and I want my sons to have contact with those kids. Even though they are only babies I can see how being together has made year much easier on them. If any future bio siblings of my kids come into care I want to be the first call made about their placement. I want my kids and thier future bio siblings to have the best relationship possible.

sibling relationships

genevamangal's picture

I personally believe that siblings should stay together because they form a pillow or cushion for each other when they are away from their parents. They provide emotional as well as physical support for one another.

Bonded relationship that

AmyWhiteside's picture

Bonded relationship that supports one another in all that they do

Sibling Relationships

Shaver's picture

We are currently fostering two sisters that are part of a sibling group of 7. They have all been pulled in many directions, some have reunited with fathers and other family members. They miss their brothers and sisters very much and look forward to the visitations that they do get to have with those that remain local. I can see this group having close relationships as they age as they have created a bond and protected each other to this point.

Sibling Relationships

Shaver's picture

We are currently fostering two sisters that are part of a sibling group of 7. They have all been pulled in many directions, some have reunited with fathers and other family members. They miss their brothers and sisters very much and look forward to the visitations that they do get to have with those that remain local. I can see this group having close relationships as they age as they have created a bond and protected each other to this point.

Siblings; Pros and Cons

Michelle Champion's picture

I have read some very interesting opinions from this site. My experience has been a little different. I have fostered for 9 years now and have had several sibling groups within my home. I firmly believe in fostering the family bond between siblings but when you have situations were one child is treated much different from another child, it became challenging. I have had groups that really resented each other and would harm each other every chance permitted. In some cases it was best if the kids were separated. I am lucky enough to have my daughter fostering as well so when situations occur such as what I have mentioned, we attempt to keep them together by placing them in separate homes within walking distant. We all gather together each weekend to spend quality time together as a family.

Sharing their common experience

Lil Michaels's picture

We got into foster care in order to provide care for sibling groups. We have had 3 pairs of sibs along with many individual kids. Only one pair of sibs remained together for various reasons, but all of the kids are very emotionally connected to their siblings and I hope that they will make every effort to stay connected to them in adulthood. They face a number of obstacles, like mental illness and different bio fathers, but my hope is that I can help them to maintain their bonds with one another.

Siblings

suzwalker71's picture

I would expect the siblings to be very close like any brother or sister. We have a sibling pair that are best friends. They also have another sibling tht lives with his biological father. We make sure they still see each other, spend quality time together and know that they are brothers no matter whta. It is up to us to foster that relationship.

Siblings

suzwalker71's picture

I would expect the siblings to be very close like any brother or sister. We have a sibling pair that are best friends. They also have another sibling tht lives with his biological father. We make sure they still see each other, spend quality time together and know that they are brothers no matter whta. It is up to us to foster that relationship.

some cant get along in same home

skipper123's picture

I have friend who adopted her son and he has a a brother who he likes to do things with but they tried to see if they could live in same house but instead they get jealous of each other so she decided against adopting his brother. I have seen things go both ways where they can get along or not

Sibling Bond

Vendy's picture

Keeping siblings are a good way to secure their future and to keep a family unit together so they can rely on each other.

10 years

MarMar01's picture

I have my first placement. He was originally placed with siblings (2 groups of 3 siblings + 1 other that went to a group home) but had to be separated. He was so desperate for attention. With 7 kids in the house and parents not always around, it was constant competition and playing favorites. They've been in care for a year and are already pulling apart despite visits. The 4 youngest were recently placed with family members and he will likely go to another non-connected family member. He has stopped asking about the siblings already placed. His sister was the "little mom" in the family and she's not doing well "losing her babies". She calls and requests visits often. We go but he never asks to call or see his siblings. In 10 years, I think he will have little to no contact with his siblings because they are being placed with their dads families.

Siblings

spedteacher828's picture

We currently have legal custody of a sibling group that we had as foster children. We are now talking about adopting them. It has been important for us to keep them together and have fought for them. Mom is now pregnant again and we were told to talk to our attorney because we can put in the record that if mom has any more children that are removed, we want to be the first placement. Mom has gone back and forth about giving us the baby at birth. We do not want their sister going into the system and then they don't get to have a chance to be with her. The two of them have been each other's strength through all this and I know that if we don't fight to get the sibling, when they get older, I don't want them to think we didn't try. They all need to be together and have the same experiences and chances to be successful.

We have our first placements

Managsd's picture

We have our first placements now, 21 month old twin boys, very behind in development, but making improvements. I am hoping that by being together it helped lessen the trauma of being removed from their mom.

10 yr later

Rspiegel's picture

We just did a sibling set. Our experience was one that tore the heart out of my wife. Because we had the boy before from birth to 3. He was back in and we took him and his older sibling. She had many many problems. We got no help and no support from agency. My wife was on the phone begging for help crying herself to sleep and then it all went south. Now they won't tell her a thing. She keeps asking to see them. But they won't let us. So in 10 yr I feel that little boy will feel we let him down . That the one stable place he had depended on because my wife never let go in 5 yr even with 2 of them not in our home he could count on her to go pick him up bring him her to be with us for the day. Was taken away. I feel he will have lost hope in people. The girl will have gotten in trouble because she so desperately needed someone like my wife to tell her it was ok to be mad. Just not to hurt herself or others. See that's just it. No one tells these kids it's ok to be angry that their life has been blown to bits. We just have to show them ways to channel their hurt and anger so that they can get through it intact an as whole as possible.

10 YEARS LATER

jenn0888's picture

I would expect them to be close to their siblings, show love and playfulness.

Siblings

rmartinez's picture

I feel that the relationship between siblings are very important. Foster youth should be allowed the opportunity to be with siblings to preserve relationships. Their shared experiences will bring them closer together.

My opinion...

Lacy2262's picture

I have fostered a sibling set of toddler girls and currently have a toddler sibling set of girl and boy. Both sets have had a strong bond. I have stressed the importance of staying together and caring for one another to both sets. They don't fully understand at this moment but in due time they will. I imagine in 10 years their bond will remain strong and they will look out for each other. Both social workers of each set have stressed them staying together. Having sisters myself I could not imagine being split from them at young ages.

sibling bond

BillandAmyLittlefield's picture

I fostered several children within a family that the court system seemed to believe would be better off living with their individual family members (each had a different father) rather than remaining together and keeping the sibling bond intact. I vehemently disagreed with the dissolution of the sibling unit, but to no avail. Ten years have passed and the youngest child has just turned 18. Thankfully, Facebook and other social media sites have popped up allowing these children to reunite after that long. I hesitate to say that their relationship while physically distanced and emotionally estranged, is the best it can be under the circumstances. Yes, they each went on to be adopted by a different family, often with zero permanency of family beyond the age of 18 or 19, but they have all found each other again. I wonder how different it would have been for these children had they remained together as a sibling unit and been allowed to stay in one home rather than divided among the different biological families. What justice was done in that situation?? We will never know the damage or benefit of that....

Staying Together

mullen0928's picture

I truly believe that siblings should stay together. If they were not in care they would be together. They have a bond that should never be broken.

10 years later

rodgerschrista's picture

As a foster parent I have had several sibling groups come into my home over the years. My very first placement many years ago was 2 young boys; a 6 week old and a 2 year old. When I got the call they were asking me to take only one of the children but when I heard that there were two children I said I would take both because I did not want them separated. I had the boys for several months before they were sent to different homes with relatives. I also learned that there was a third child that was already in custody. It saddens me to think that these three children were separated at such a young age. I would hope that if the children remained in separate homes that they were able to visit each other and bond. I am currently fostering a sibling group of 4 children (2 sets of twins) and plan to adopt them if/when they become available for adoption.

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