In one week I will be able to let the little things go...
Growing up I never had this option. I always felt like I was the head of the household. I took a big part in making sure all my siblings woke up on time, brushed their teeth, ate their breakfast, and made it to the bus stop on time. I always made sure they had everything they needed and they were always taken care of. I remember giving up my own meals in order to make sure my siblings had enough to eat. I remember my sister calling me mommy and my brothers coming to me for help before they went to our parents. I remember when we entered care and we were all separated, I would spend hours in my head worrying about if they were being taken care of and if they were happy. I would worry about them so much that it made me physically sick. This is what set me up for a life full of worries an health problems related to stress.
Because I grew up like this, I carried these worries into my present life. I can't help but to always be worried about those around me. I spend so much time focusing on other people being taken care of and being at the top of their game that I forgot to worry about myself. I though I learned how to stop doing this the hard way last summer. I was only seventeen but I was graduated from high school, working full time, I had my own apartment, plus I was supporting my mother and two of my siblings who were living with me in my one bedroom apartment. I became so worried about making sure my family was happy and healthy that I began to neglect myself. I forgot to eat many times because I was busy feeding my siblings. I wasn't taking care of myself and I got really sick. I spend the whole summer in the hospital fighting for my life. While I was there I realized that if I don't take care of myself then I won't be able to take care anyone else.
I miraculously recovered and I promised myself to reduce my stress load and not focus on the little things. My health significantly improved, I wasn't always so stressed out all the time, I also improved my performance in school and my advocacy work. I thought I was doing a good job at this until I got here. This internship made me realize that I never let go of the little things so I was still always finding myself stressed about something. Whether I was worrying about a boy, getting something done on time, or worrying about someone in my group doing good in our present back, there was always something. I was finding it hard to relax and it started affecting my health again. I had a long talk with one of my Level 2s and she told me that by me focusing on someone else presenting well, I'm only taking away from myself. This reminded me of last summer when I was sick from worrying about everyone else, and I realized I had to stop that immediately.
For now on I will not let little things get to me. I will focus on the picture. I will not let anything or anyone get in the way of what I came here to do. In one week, I will let it go...
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