Jess Edgar's picture

The word different, according to the dictionary, means adj. Not alike in character or quality. I'm different. I am Asian. I am a sister, a cousin, a friend, a Christian, and a foster youth. I am complicated. The reason I say that is because no one understands me and the way I act. Most people always give up on me and the sad part is, I'm use to it. Coming from the foster care system, it always hard to trust, to let people in, and to accept the fact not everyone is worth staying a part of your life. I am a junior this fall at luther college and I still haven't found permanency nor friends that I've found who I can trust out rely on. It's not easy living this life. Always on guard and not knowing who to trust, who to let in and who to leave out. I have tried multiple times to let people in. I've shared my ups and downs, my dreams, my goals, my stories, but I've never been able to stick. At school, during the summer vacation, and during holiday break I have never been invited to hang out with friends. I feel like I'm just a heavy luggage that people have to deal with because they feel sorry for me. I hate that. I have been forgotten on several occasion, it hurts. I try so hard to fit in, invite people together, everything, but nothing works. All I want is to have friends that I can share my life with, be a part of my wedding, go to bars, creating happy memories, and grow old together sharing gossip. I am a complicated person who has a story and lots going on, but just want the most simplest thing in life. A question I ask myself everyday, is this the life I want to live? If you were to ask me that question a couple months ago, I would have said no. I was about to give up on everything, my hopes and my dreams. Gone. This internship has changed my life. The foster youths that I have been able to help educate, helped me realize that I can help change what they think about themselves and how to become happy and successful. I need to practice what I preach. It helped me realize that in order to be happy with myself, I need to allow myself to heal and to lower my expectation. I have met some people I want to have in my life for a long while and I'm going to try my hardest to make those relationships work. I'm not going to give up on me, my dreams, or people. This internship has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and I hope that the all-stars realize that giving up isn't the answer to anything. Fighting and educating other foster youths makes a difference in all things. What do you guys think about more workshops on self awareness? To help foster youth accept who they are and see where time takes them.

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The word different, according to the dictionary, means adj. Not alike in character or quality.

The opinions expressed by the blog author and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of the FosterClub or any employee thereof. FosterClub is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the blogger.

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Response

KingCarter3963's picture

Jess Edgar I feel everything that you're saying. I think more workshops on self awareness would be good, however I also firmly believe experience is the best teacher. From my experience I was trying to find myself which is not a bad thing, however in the All-Star house there is a quote that say's " Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself". I mostly agree that this internship is the best self-awareness tool for any individual who embark on this journey because you will find out so many things that you never knew about yourself. One of the main things that I found out about myself is that I am naturally quiet. It's not that I am shy, or afraid to speak, I am just quiet but going to some conferences it did teach me how to communicate more. An important note to you Jess is that I felt that way at one point. I have a strong personality and some people cannot handle it. I do believe that things happen for a reason and although you might not see the big picture yet but things will slowly but surely come together. I also want to add that not just educating foster youth but educating people in general because the people around these youth's are influential. I am still learning myself, and I am appreciative to hear/read your story because it empowers me as well. One of the main things I learned from being out here was cherishing the things that I have now because there are people that are going through tougher times and so that being said I think you actually did a good job on self evaluating yourself and your needs/wants and so self-awareness is just important. I do have a question for you. What if one is dormant to the things in their mind and not able to look at situations in a different light, would self awareness workshops actually work? Or does maturity play a role in self-awareness?

Thank you for responding! You

Jess Edgar's picture

Thank you for responding! You are completely right... Experience is the best teacher. I think that's why Fosterclub is such a success. The all-stars are sharing our own experience with the other foster youths. I have read that quote in the house. I lived in that part of the house :) I am like you, I am naturally quiet and I've always known that, but I also know that I am not shy, or afraid to speak when I have to. I like that you said "I have a strong personality and some people cannot handle it" that is exactly what happens to me. I agree with you that things happen for a reason. I am a huge believer in that and I do see the bigger picture, it's just harder for me to accept the fact that I'm different and that it takes time for my life to come together. Educating people in general is a great idea! and you are right, the people around the foster youth are influential. Us foster youth like to rely on others to be accepted.

The answer to your question: If one is to not accept solutions for the situation, then that means they are not ready to face reality. They just need more guidance into letting them know that everything is truly going to be okay. Maturity has a lot to do with self-awareness because there are some points during the aging process that we are still trying to identify ourselves and embracing who they really are. Maturity helps the foster youth realize what they need to do in order to be pleased with themselves and others. I'm not quite sure what workshops are out there, but I would look into it with Celeste because I know there are some that Fosterclub has created. I hope this helps.

The opinions expressed by the blog author and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of the FosterClub or any employee thereof. FosterClub is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the blogger.