I need advice please!!!!
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ok heres the deal i have this boyfriend and he was sweet and and everything at first but now hes always asking me where i am,what i am doing, threathens me but not all the time, and calls me names but its not as bad as it seems but most of my friends are tellin me that the relitionship is abuseive and that i should end it but if i do he will say something like ok fine i should go kill myself and what not so im just woundering what i should do
any andvice is weclome!!!!!
posted Jan 7th
Hi there...i just want to say BE CAREFUL! a long time ago i had a boyfriend that sounds a lot like yours. he was one of the most popular boys in schooll and i felt lucky that he even looked my way! our relationship started out great...but quickly got abusive. it sounds just like your situation. i ended up being controlled by him, he beat me, cut me down,made fun of me, and then ran around on me with other girls. my self esteem got so low because of him. i was ashamed to tell anyone, especially mom, because she would make me break up with him. we eventually broke up, and he went on to abuse other girls.
so you be careful, no one deserves to be treated badly. good luck, terri
I have a bachelors in psychology, so I'm no professional, but I am fairly educated on the subject, and it sounds exactly like the young version of a future abuser. Jealous, disrespectful, and verbally abusive. Run. Now. Don't look back. You're only remembering the good parts and making excuses for the bad. It will continue to get worse if you let it -- be strong and have the self respect to move on and find someone better.
i think he is just trying to get you to stay with him.i mean he just doesn't want you to leave him so he says that so you would stay with him
imthabomb
see ya later
Teenbrat
I think all these people are giving wonderful advise but you need to realize that even the people who were in a relationship similar to yours, they had to decide to leave on their own. We can all tell you what you SHOULD do but in the end your the only one who is strong enough to make this really hard decision and realize you deserve better. I wish you good luck to make the right decision before things get more aggressive.
I'm a survivor
This advice is fabulous. I can't add anything to it. And Pontes I love that quote! I am wondering thought, Teenbrat if you don't mind my asking what did you decide to do?
okay so hello teen brat,
i compleatly understand where your comming from. when i was in early highschool i started dating a boy and at first it was great. after about a month he started getting really clingy and would say things like "if you ever leave me i dont think i could live" i started getting bad feelings but ignored them because it didnt seen that bad.. i though he just cared alot. slowly and progressivly he became more and more controlling after about a year he was checking my phone, email acounts, even my x-box live acount. and at that point he started instilling thoughts that noone will ever love me but him. soon followed by abusive tendencys. all my friends told me that i shouldnt be with him and that i deserve better. i just brushed it off because the only person that could realy make that big of a jump was me... it got to the point that i was stressing out so bad i had basically stoped eating. i lost 20 pounds in a week in a half. i was afraid of what he was gonna do ... what he would do to himself or what he might tdo to me. but in the end i got my comon sence back and after 3 years i broke up with him. and heathers right you cant be worryed about what he does after you two are separated. most of that kind of talk is just conrolling behavior. he is gonna try and manipulate you into staying with him. dont fall under his spell love. stay strong and keep your head high. everything will work out in the end.
w/ love~L.J.
Thanks for sharing that, Heather. Here's hoping you heal soon.
Teenbrat,
Im speaking now from my own personal experience. I was in a relationship like this except all the things your boyfriend does where a lot more escalated in my situation. I dated a boy for a year and three months, and let me tell you the first six months of that relationship were the greatest, i wouldnt have traded them for anything. But as our relationship went on each day he got a little more possessive and a little more emotionally abusive, eventually physically abusive. It got to the point where every two minutes i would get a txt message from him asking me where i was, what i was doing and, who i was with, and if i didnt respond within thirty seconds he would begin to call my phone repeatedly until i answered, when i answered he would call me names and talk down to me, and to be honest for a while I accepted that.
When i went to Oregon this past summer to do the All-Star internship, all my fellow All-Stars noticed the way he was treating me and because we had become such a family, they didnt like it very much and talked to. They had all realized what I had not, that ITS NOT OKAY for a man to treat a woman like that, under any circumstance. Because i was so deep into that relationship i ignored what they said and stayed with this boy. When i returned home from Oregon my boyfriend at the time turned to physical abuse. My friends began to notice once again the abuse my boyfriend was putting me through, and i finally realized that i deserved alot better than the way he was treating me. I realized that if he really loved me and i really meant to him what he said i did then he would have never treated me the way he always did (being abusive). I finally ended the relationship, and to be honest with you, I ended it just about a week and a half ago, so this is still a touchy topic for me to speak on, but i want to share just a glimpse of my experience with an abusive and possessive boyfriend with you because i dont want you to end up getting hurt like i did.
As hard as it will most likely be because of the things he will say to you, trying to make you feel bad and stay with him, or as much as he says he will change, and trust me he wont, the best advice i can give you is listen to your friends and get out of that relationship while you still can and before it gets to abusive and you are to scared to leave. also keep in mind, the decisions he makes after the two of you break up are not your fault, they are of his own doing.
Heather Marone
2009 Connecticut FosterClub All-Star
Dear Teenbrat,
RUN!!!! Nah, but on the serious tip, this guy is bad news. Love is not threatening, controlling and hurting other people. There is nothing you can do to help this guy but to leave him and show him this is not the way to keep a woman in love with him. In other words, maybe he will get help and change for the next young lady. But if you stay, he won't learn any of this. I have a girl friend who jokes that she spent all her teenage years and her early 20's making guys better for the next girl (a noble and positive way to look at it).
Dating is for two reasons: either to just have companionship and fun or to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Is this guy either? Just because he has strong feelings about you doesn't mean he is fun or a good companion. If he is threatening and controlling, that's not good for a longterm relationship. So it seems that in his current state of mind he doesn't really score good points as either type of dating partner/lover. I realize that as a human being you feel some responsibility for what happens after you leave him to his own devices, but you need to realize that you have no control over that. He's already shown that by not changing for you. I'm sure you have expressed how all the paranoid phone calls and threats to himself and you have made you feel and yet he hasn't made a change probably except to step it up. One thing that might work for you and keep you both safe is to have an intervention/dumping with all your and his friends present. Explain how his behavior has destroyed the relationship and how you have made it worse by givng in. You realize that you can't be the person to stand up to his negative behavior so you have to let him go for the both of you to be able to have more positive relationships. Set up parameters of your new realtionship with him (I would keep it to the internet and texting) if he needs someone to talk to. Have your friends chip in as to how his behavior made them nervous for the both of you too (how his obsessive focus made them uneasy and scared he may harm himself or how the realtionship appears to have changed you, also). There will be tears and promises (just like before) but his changes will not be forever and besides if it worked to get you back, he will feel justified even in stepping up the control and violence to make the relationship "even better" (at least for him).
Finally,and once again, we have absolutely no control over anyone but ourselves. Your boyfriend can take this as a good thing or as a bad thing. But there's nothing you can do about his attitude; everybody makes their own choices. Staying with him will not guarantee he doesn't hurt himself or you, but staying with him WILL guarantee that neither of you will learn how to be appropriately assertive and mutually trusted; two things essential for a mature relationship that will last forever. Good Luck and let us know what happens.
"There is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power."
Mary Pickford
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