Don't Judge Me

Don’t Judge Me because I am a Foster Child
By: Shawn

On the 27th of June 2008 I was sitting at the DCFS field office in Alton Ill. DCFS had stepped in to my life. They had told my mom that she needs to stop bouncing me from house to house. And that she needs to either take me and let me stay in her house or they would step in and take me.
Well she had said that she didn’t want me. And that she would rather have her boyfriend. She said that she can’t deal with me. That was really hard for me.
At this time in my life I was going through a lot. My mom had told me she would rather have a boyfriend in her house then her own son of 16 years. Prior to this I had been bounced from house to house. I attended two different high schools.
My life was a mess. I had finally deiced to open up about some events in my past. Opening up ended up hurting me. With me opening up about being sexual abused I ended up with someone accusing me of sexual abusing them. That was just the icing on the cake.
My family wanted nothing to do with me. My mom wanted nothing to do with me. My mom had nowhere else to take me. She took me to the Police Station and said she didn’t want me. No one knows how bad that hurts
I had nowhere to go.
I went to court with DCFS. The judge had given DCFS custody of me and he terminated my mother’s rights.
During this last year I have been through two different Foster homes. I have also gone through two Therapists and a psychologist. I have also been through a grueling appeal case.
My first Foster Home was in Wood River Ill. I attended Roxana High School. The Foster mom was ok. I ended up moving from her house because she and I didn’t see eye to eye on some things. I needed my own space. Plus I don’t like to be compared to the other foster kids. I felt like I was being judged
During the time I lived in Wood River I had made a lot of turning points in my life. I had appealed the accusations against me. What hurt me the most is the fact that no one, except maybe my lawyer, believed me. It was a protracted process. It was a motion process.
I had people telling me “What I did”, when in fact I didn’t do any of it. It was one of the hardest things to try to compute with.
During this time I tried my best to deal with everything. I started seeing a therapist provided by the Foster care agency I was in. At first, everything was ok. I had a real nice therapist. Well she was promoted to the supervisor of the Therapy department at Ill Mentor. So then I received another therapist. She wasn’t as good as the other one. I had a problem with both of them. They were females and I am a male. There are certain things that I would rather talk to a guy about.
Well in January I ended up in a temporary home in Alton. Then I moved to Collinsville I started seeing a psychologist. I didn’t like him from the beginning. He is the type that after talks to you for five minutes he says well you are depressed and that you need to take this pill or that one. I am not a pill person. I saw him three times. And in the three times I saw him I talked to him maybe a total of half an hour.
In the last year I have not only had to deal with this. I had to deal with the fact of not seeing my old friends. It was also hard to being able to see my sister. She stills lives with my mom and I am the one who is no longer with her and the one that has to cope with it all.
I don’t think my mom realizes what she has done to me. She will find out later on in life when she comes to me for help. It will be a hard decision I will have to take. I know that you are supposed to love your parents and all that goes with that that you are taught as a child. But when you have gone through the events that I have had to put up with in the last four years then and only then might you just get a glimpse at what I have had to go through.
In the last four years I have learned a lot at being a true “young” adult. I have had to make decisions that some of you won’t make for another five to ten years. I have also learned that no matter your age you need to advocate for yourself. You need to make sure your voice is heard and that your thoughts and options about your self are made and that they are loud and clear. NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!!
There is a stigma with being a foster child. I know that and you know that. Just because I am a foster child that doesn’t make me any different from anyone else.
Just because I am in foster care that doesn’t mean that I have problems with who I am. Just because I am in care that doesn’t mean that I am a “troubled teen.” Whatever that means.
All that being a Foster Child means is that the State has stepped into your life and says that your mother, father, or both are unfit and don’t have the resources to care for you. Or it means that your mother has decided that she would rather make herself happy and have a boyfriend, then have her own son to love and care for.
The only possible difference between me and someone else is that they have a parent or parents that actually love them. They have parents that want them and care for them. They have parents that wan t you to be the best you can. They have parents that would bend over backwards for them. They have parents that will do what they can to try to help them.
I am so sick of hearing people say “Oh well my parents don’t love me because of this or that.” “They don’t love me because they won’t let me go here or there.” When I hear the crap I just want to smack the person and say “Well at least you have parents who love you. At least you have parents who care for you. At least your parents want you and care what happens to you. You don’t truly know what have a parent who doesn’t love you feels like. You don’t know what it’s like to have a parent who doesn’t care what you do, when you do it, how you do it, and with whom you do it with.” Very few people in this world would maybe come close to how I feel.
Just because I am a foster child that doesn’t mean I have no feelings. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to go through the obsctalcual you go through, if not more. It doesn’t mean Jack Shit.
All it means is you have parents that love you and I don’t! It means you live with mom or dad or both and I Don’t!